So we are just over a year past when we officially began our adoption process. We have come along way and I'm so grateful we have made it through so much of the paperwork the comes along with the beginning of the process. There will still be more paperwork in our future, but none like the craziness of the dossier preparation-praise Jesus!!!
We are now in the anxious and worry phase. Well, I am. We seem to be so close but still so far away. I am learning a lot about this trusting the Lord issue. It seems great and all, but when the rubber meets the road it's a lot trickier than it sounds. It's REALLY HARD. Hard to let go of my own agenda, plans, and version of how our adoption should go. I have great intentions but they are not God's plans. And I truly want what His plans are- as scary as it seems "in the meantime". We are in a phase in which we have literally no control over what happens and it's scary. I realize I frequently don't have control of as much as I think I do, but I am able to trick myself into thinking I do, which gives me a false sense of security. I know the Lord is capable of accomplishing anything He wants and I believe that He will complete a good work in us. My head is in the right place, but my momma heart is growing weary at times. I was feeling so convicted about my trust issues earlier this week and as I was driving in the car I heard the Lord whisper to me, "You just need faith as small as a mustard seed". What a sweet reminder from my caring God to let me know He knows we grow weary and He's right there walking beside me encouraging me.
|Quote from our pastor, Dr. Danny Sinquefield during church last Sunday. Perfect timing!|
In the car on the way to work this morning, I had a pretty significant revelation. I'm sad to say it took me this long to come to it. I am also realizing that the Lord is using my time in the car as a time with the greatest learning moments for me these days. I'm pretty sure it's because these are the rare moments when I am quiet (without kiddos!) and available to hear Him. I was listening to "Ever Be" by Aaron Shust. The lyrics say "Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips. . . You will be praised, You will be praised." It hit me. This journey is not about our family, it's about giving God the glory through this journey. How have I missed this?! Sure, I have made Him a part of it, but He is it. He makes beauty from ashes. He brings orphans into families. This adoption is just another beautiful picture of the miraculous wonder that He is. And in His abundant Grace, He is blessing us along the way. We just need to hold on and be willing participants in His masterful plan. So step by step, I am learning a little more about this faith and trust thing. I'm a little stubborn so it's taking while. ;) Meanwhile, Matt says he has a peace about things. I am very grateful for his stability during this time. And I need a stable hubby during all of my weepy moments!
So little one, we will be there in God's timing! We pray for you every day! Many times a day! The closer we get, the more I find myself thinking of you throughout my day. I wake up early in the morning and wonder what you are doing. When I go to bed at night I wonder what you are doing. Your sisters talk about you. We are so excited to meet you one day, but until then, we know that the Lord is watching over you and preparing our way to you!